God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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