i permit you to call me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
