i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
