the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The power of my boobs compel you
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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