I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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