It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
