White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
