I don't think brook has ever known best
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
