he shaved USA in his pubs
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
