i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
