Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
