Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
