Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
