My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
now i know why i became what i already was.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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