she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
