Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
