uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
