You work out of a Hotel?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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