As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
That reminds me...we need to get swords
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
