Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
