no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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