I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i wish my penis had a tongue
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
