I just pynch a tree in the face
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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