Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
