he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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