I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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