Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
