I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
