Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My penis needs a shock collar
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
