dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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