i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
