I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
