her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
