i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
