i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
