how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
