So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
