I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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