Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
