If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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