i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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