What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
