Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
