He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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