i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
