I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
