I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
