Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
