you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
