If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
