Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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