Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
