it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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