I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
