Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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