I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
