I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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