she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize