"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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